he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
