Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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