Moan for me like Helen Keller
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The beer is more important than you right now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
