I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
operation harelip BJ is a go
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
