his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
