The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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