No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
