Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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