In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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