Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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