I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
