Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
