he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
