1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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