I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
