I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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