Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
