tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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