Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
