evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
