There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
