he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
