Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
