we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
