Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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