Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
