Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
