I think scott just propositioned me for sex
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
