So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
