thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
