I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
