You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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