See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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