I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
