What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
