No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
