we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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