my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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