i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
