there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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