Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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