hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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