I never want to see another naked old woman again.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
