she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
