I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
