I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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