but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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