Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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