plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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