I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
