What a fucking waste of an outfit
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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