i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
