he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
