i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
