The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm passing your future prison.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
