I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
